i have no answers for you
Maybe it's just that I'm tired.
Maybe the wind that finally came down from the Ural Mountains today (or wherever it's really cold in eastern Europe) and chilled my city has also frozen a key part of my brain.
Maybe the world just wanted to give me another reason to be nauseated by Gwyneth Paltrow.
Maybe I needed to be reminded of useful all-purpose hand-cleaning products that kept my dad sparkling and mystified me as a kid?
But regardless, will someone please explain GOOP to me?
I throw it out there, internets, so you can send it back as a happier, saner, and, well, less nauseating boomerang.
Which, p.s., reminds me of one of the funnier conversations I had in Swahili and English, trying to explain what a boomerang was. Gwynnie's website can't teach me to "nourish" that part of my "inner aspect". (What does it mean!??!)
And, p.p.s, I did not find the GOOP on my own. This should be comforting to you all.
And, p.p.p.s.: my dad's DIY could take down GP's mega-media empire yesterday. Bet money our garden/horses/trees/house/ponds/dinners grow better.
posted by Wabes @ 11/18/2008 06:31:00 PM
5 Comments:
oh, GOOP. i totally signed up for gwynnie's newsletter earlier this week; i figured i needed something to replace my site's old "mischa barton quote of the day." there was some great early GOOP news up on Go Fug Yourself recently:
I don't know if any of you have signed up for Gwyneth Paltrow's new lifestyle newsletters on her hideously named Web site, GOOP, but they are hilarious in ways that I do not think she intended them to be. They're all basically about how she is pretty sure she's really interesting and has a lot to teach -- Martha Stewart crossed with Oprah's Favorite Things, multiplied by that random friend you have who won't let you finish your stories before she tries to interrupt and one-up you with her more profound experiences. They come out every week, and tell us all about how to "nourish what is real" by eating non-dairy buckweat pancakes, staying slim (summary: do not eat anything white), clothing ourselves (save money by wearing your $1200 Louboutin shoes with a Topshop dress!), and buying "off the beaten track" kitchen stuff from... Williams-Sonoma.
hee.
ps: my word verification is "forky." indeed!
"Inner aspect".
Hmm.
Aristotle, Descartes, and pretty much any other thinker or poet who has shaped our understanding of the soul and mind over the past two millenia are belching in their graves. Like, right now. It's a giant GOOPing sound...
I'm sure the many millions who have gone to their deaths (war, famine, martyrdom for umpteen causes) would be so grateful to know they did so for "their inner aspect". And not for anything higher.
This makes me said, by the way. Gwyneth was so hot for, like, so long.
As they would say in Nassau County, "Gwynnie, ya dead t'me."
okay, in my defense, i wrote this rant before i saw lau's comment, but mine hadn't actually posted for some reason. lau's in a much better headspace to react to the silliness of GOOP rather than getting a irrationally angry as i was this morning, but hey! i was out of coffee. that'll make anyone angry at 7:30.
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ugh, i know with the GOOP!
first: does GP know what a blog is? cause umm...the rest of us have been doing exactly that for years. only the intro text makes it sound like she just invented the whole idea of posting personal essays on the internet.
second: that flash page intro, with no actual content, has been live for about 4 months i think (i blame Daily Candy for making me aware of it...which i deserve, for reading Daily Candy). so that suggests that GP is also on par with the rest of the blogosphere re: starting a blog she never updates.
third: obviously she doesn't code it herself, cause it's all flash-pretty. so...why should we think she actually writes it herself, either? maybe its going to be some sort of weirdo daily-candy style product-placement thing, where she writes one day about the values of Dove Hand Cream and then next day about this cute little resort in the Adirondacks that happens to be having a special sale right now. in which case, what a depressing way of selling out for a movie star who must already have more money than god.
fourth: what the hell kind of name is GOOP? are ALL the good domain names parked now, or what?
fifth: how offensively arrogant is her promise advice on "living well" on the intro page? it's soooooo upper-middle class bored housewife. why not use her star power to get behind some good cause, instead of advising the people on how to find a good restaurant in Austin? we have zagat for that.
in summary: i'm totally over my girl crush on GP. i am no longer impressed by or envious of her ability to turn sideways and vanish from sight. get me a donut.
/end rant
i would get you a donut, jen, and then we would have a sleepover with lau and whoever else wants to come and rent "shakespeare in love" and throw spitballs at the screen. or maybe "great expectations," because that was what did it for me.
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