copa mundial

I was apparently bitten by the World Cup bug back in Berlin in 2006, because all I want to do right now is stay home and watch soccer games (or watch them streaming at the office, thanks to a friend who pointed out univision's excellent feed). That, and pottering with the tomatoes, which are super-fantastic and growing like weeds, rather than deliberate plants.

But we found that, in addition to the crazy costumes and rabid face-painting fans (England supporter at Tenleytown at 5:15 on Saturday, I'm talking to your St. George's cross design), in addition to my personal level of entertainment at Alexi Lalas as a clean-up sports commentator, there are also little gems in popular culture and media that never cease to delight.

To wit, Kolz's World Cup spam:

"Dear Sir/Madam

My name is Chris Vibe, and if you are by any chance coming to the 2010 soccer world cup, which begins on the 11th of June, ends on the 11th of July and will be hosted in the Rainbow nation of South Africa, I would like to invite you to join me for a party of a lifetime.

I am a party organizer and promoter by profession and would like to take this opportunity to let you in on the "One Party" you have never seen the likes of.

After an exhilarating soccer match you will be able to participate in such an exciting party, you will be blown over. I suggest that you bring your entire dedicated staff including secretaries & all and use this event as a perk/bonus of a lifetime for them.

[Pretty standard as your chance-of-a-lifetime spam goes, but stay tuned: this party will be off the hook.]

The following is included:

You will be flown in on a private plane to a gigantic beach area with palm trees.
Huge BBQ’S on the beach.
All you can eat and drink, including fresh lobster and champagne.
Crushed mother of pearl, hanging in the air, glittering.
A sunset the size of Texas.
A pier floating in the ocean with three night clubs, one with mainstream, one with rock and roll and one with tech-house music (my favorite)
Party complete with celeb mingling.
Extra perk come midnight, I will personally be parading the big five:
Lions, elephants, wilde beest, white rhinos and cheetahs.

I will ride the biggest elephant with three lions in front of me, and perform two of my songs, "U can find love" and "Superstar", distributed by SONY MUSIC.


[Right? The big five (which I always heard included water buffalo, not wildebeest, but okay, I'm rolling with it. A sunset the size of Texas? Celeb mingling? Crushed mother of pearl? Sweet. But isn't this all a little over the top, Mr. Vibe? Could someone get hurt? Of course, how silly, the intrepid Mr. Vibe will take care of it.]

Should the animals get out of order, I will personally sort it out for you, so that you can continue to enjoy watching.

There will be no box office/pay at the gate facilities. Anyone who does not have a ticket will not be let on board.

Time slot:
7pm – flying back to your destination at 6:30am the following morning.

All this for the SUPER low price of only USD 1100 PER PERSON.

Payments can be made by cash transfer into an account held by a Scandinavian bank and overseen by an authorized accounting firm.

Please go to www.supernovaparty.com for more information.

Please advise,

Cordially

Chris Vibe."

I will now include the phrase "I will personally sort it out for you" in all forthcoming party invitations. Maybe even the promise of cheetahs, too.